Monday, January 16
stopped fighting back - Monday, January 16, 2006
okie, the retreat camp was seriously a waste of my time. a serious waste of my time. sorry for being so frank and all, but hey, it's really how i felt.i think my blog might be the only place i have left to express my feelings, really. i losing my 'spunkyness' when i step into sch. i was close to losing that part of me when i was in church on friday for genesis meeting. i just hit rock bottom and had to hold back a lot of tears. but suprisingly, even in the dark, kenji asked me if i was alright.
i think i've just become so tired of fighting back. i used to stand firmly on the ground to what i believed in. but now, i no longer see the need to do that. whether it's associated with drama, sch, teachers or friends, i know i'm losing all my enthusiasim. it's like once i walk into the sch, i have to just be like one of those stepford daughters. proper and upright. no funny business. in other words, yes. i might be getting pushed around. but kelly seah, for e 1st time in her life, isn't doing anything abt it.
another suprising thing is that juliana actually noticed how i became more docile during lessons. here's the girl who i rarely mingled with so when she asked me why i became so quiet, i was undoubtedly suprised.
tolerance is the key to success. tat's a line i have to constantly say in my head to keep me sane.
indecisiveness gets on my nerves.
luv alwaez.
kel